2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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