so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
