I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
