just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize