ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
