I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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