she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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