just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
