i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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