I cannot find my penis.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
