Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
