It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
