i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
