my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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