I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
