Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
