how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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