What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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