Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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