We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
