im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish i was in the wii world.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I did not marry a roomba.
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