my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
