Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize