There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Alive.
So much puke
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
