I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
