If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
