I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
