Got a toothbrush?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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