Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
