you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
