Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
