Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
