when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
