You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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