i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
