I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
