i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize