Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
