he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
