can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We left an ass print on the piano.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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