Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
