Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
