you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
