Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
