It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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