Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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