Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
