i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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