Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
