they need to just BURY HIM!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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