Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
