At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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