My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want her autograph on my taint
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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