yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize