I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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