Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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