I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize