he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
