so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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