You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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